One summer while on vacation in San Diego, we toured the USS Midway aircraft carrier. As we walked through the many levels of the ship, we came to the mess hall. What caught my eye was the fact that there was one table, immaculately set up, with a white tablecloth, a single red rose, shining silverware and a gleaming plate, with a solitary empty chair. The table symbolizes fallen or missing comrades in arms. It was a powerful illustration of the care and concern that our military has for those missing in action.
As many of you know, and some all too recently, the pain of the many “firsts” that come with the passing of a loved one. The first holiday, anniversary, and birthday, to name a few. It is most apparent if your loved one had a favorite place at the table.
The holiday season accentuates the bittersweet reminder of those empty chairs around the dining room table.
It was 1990, the same year the adoption of our daughter from Chicago became a reality. Unfortunately, my dad died a few weeks before our daughter was born. He would have loved to have met her. Our first Christmas without him at the table was hard.
This past spring one of my life-long friends passed away. It’s been hard for all who knew him. Jayne, my wife and I are keeping in touch with his widow as she is experiencing the grief and loss that comes with his death.
My cousin and her husband lost their 17-year-old son in a tragic car accident. She expressed to me that it is a “club” that no one ever signs up for, but when it happens, a surprising number of people who experienced similar loss come out of the woodwork to help, to pray, and to listen in a way that the rest of us cannot.
If this is your first holiday season without your spouse, sibling or friend be prepared to feel the pain in extra measures. If you have recently lost a child, I have no words that express your pain adequately. I grieve with you as best as I can, but you are in a special category that only those of you who have gone through this loss understand.
Every first is hard, but none harder than during the holidays. It feels like everyone around you has moved on and forgotten them and you. It’s more than likely not true, but it is easy to feel that way, and honestly you need to “feel what you feel.” This really is a part of the healing process.
Why am I sharing this with you today?
I want to ask those of you who have lost loved ones in recent days to share with us, how we can help you or others this holiday season? What do you want or need from us? What helped you during this time of year?
Yes, we will pray, but how can we “be the friend who sticks closer than a brother” to you?
Thank you in advance for your thoughts, ideas, suggestions, and encouragements. You are not invisible but help us to see you this holiday season. We are listening.
Dick Whitworth
Director of Operations, STAR 93.3
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